Monday, 16 November 2009

Life has no purpose

The other day, in a fit of melancholy, as I walked back from dropping the kids at school I thought to myself that my life has no purpose. The day was stretching endlessly before me, and what could I plan to achieve? The washing? Is this what sums my life up now?

Thinking a little more, I realised that my anxiety was not about having no purpose, but having too many purposes. So many purposes that I wasn't really sure which to tackle next. (It just happened that the washing was becoming more and more urgent!)

Many of the things I do have been shared on this blog, so in a way of an update and partly to try to sort out what I ought to be doing next, here is what is currently going on.

The writing
I am trying to write a chapter a day during the month of November of The Professor, The Bishop and Me, the third and final book telling the story of our time in Zambia. I am failing on my initial lofty goal, but I have written around 17,500 words, which is not to be sniffed at. There have been days when this has been nearly impossible to write and days when I have wept whilst typing about stories that are so personal and upsetting to me. It is only the 16th today, so I still have half the month to go - maybe half the book will be finished then?

The house
I haven't updated about this for ages. We have received planning permission for our proposed changes and are now in the process of submitting building regs. We will then have to put the job out to tender (yikes!) so I am spending far too much time on-line working out exactly which tiles and baths and lights and kitchen units I actually want. Everything requires a decision and, given decisions are not my strong point, the next few weeks could be excruciating. And we haven't even begun building yet...

The family
Husband's job still takes up too much time (personal opinion!) and the PhD has still to be completed (personal frustration!) which does seem to leave me on my own more than either of us would like.
Having had parent's evening at school last week I am proud to say that my son is absolutely flying through school, the teacher being very pleased with everything but his handwriting (he's a boy, and can't be bothered with it!)
And I am delighted with my daughter's progress too! She is talking more in class, sitting still on the carpet with more consistency and generally improving all round. Her reading and spellings are fine, her numeracy is still way behind but her teachers were very positive about her and her progress. If she learns to concentrate better then maybe she'll pick everything up more quickly: that is the current theory we are working on. But she is talking - woo hoo!

I have to write a sermon by the end of the month. (I've read the bible passages and they seem all doom and gloom, which doesn't feel appropriate just before Christmas!)

So, if you add in that I am trying to fund-raise in order to take some money or equipment out to Zambia when we go on holiday next year, to a project that works with women and orphans; and planning for Christmas, with family coming and going throughout the fortnight's 'holiday'; and the usual taxi service to run for the children, household jobs to do and an elderly grandmother that I really ought to visit more often ... well, I am not allowed to be idle.

There probably is some purpose to my life after all!


Hearth-mother said...

Was made dizzy just reading all that... My extra burden of getting cat to vet this morning just pales into insignificance!

Catharine Withenay said...

Thank goodness we don't have any pets - I think it might be a straw breaking a camel's back!
(Allusion to an animal there was unintentional!)

cheshire wife said...

You do seem to have a lot to keep you busy. As for the house, once you have got building regs. approval, the architect should write a specification for you, which will be part of the tender, I think!

Maternal Tales said...

Oh sweetie - I know how you feel - yes, washing, drying, folding, cleaning, clearing up, cooking, etc, etc - that is my life on a daily basis, but I knw it won't be forever (hold on - who am I trying to kid)!! Have now got myself all worried. But like you say, it sounds as though you've got too many purposes. I always feel like this at the end of the year, hoping that the New Year will bring a sense of clarity. Sometimes it does, sometimes it doesn't...But just keep at it - all your purposes are important xxx

Troy said...

Wow - sounds like a very purposeful life to me (certainly compared to mine!). Certainly lots to blog about.

Catharine Withenay said...

CW - Yes, he's promised that. I live in hope of everything going smoothly!

MT - thanks for your kind words. I looked at the post again this morning and thought my title was a lot more depressing than the post, and certainly more depressed than I feel!

Troy - lots to blog about ... and too little time to blog!

goonerjamie said...

I have utmost respec for anyone trying to write a book. Keep at it, everything will come out good in the end.

Catharine Withenay said...

Aw, thanks goonerjamie! Maybe, one day ... I live in hope of something publishable!

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